I have realized something recently. I have a big lack of faith in much of my life. I have a really hard time not being in control. I was talking to my sister-in-law the other day about having a hard time feeling the way I feel about the whole TTC thing. She reminded me that sometimes you have to remember the impressions the Lord gives you and focus on those because he gives them to us to comfort us. I know I will have kids when the time is right. Not for me but for the Lord. I know it will happen and that is enough. I am still concerned about getting my body on track to get there but I know that I will have kids. Maybe it will be good for us not to right away. We can get a house next summer when Dave knows where he'll be the next fall. If we both work then we will have money and can be generous, pay off our little bit of debt, and maybe travel a little. Some days I feel my faith growing and I am seeing the options in life that are there that will make me happy even if we don't have kids right away. Every so often I am still concerned and sad but I am not at all the basketcase I was 2 months ago. Thank you Heavenly Father for helping me grow and thank you Kelsey for being an answer to an unuttered prayer.
Dave and I are getting a little extra money this summer watching the kids of some friends of ours. We're watching Sasha (7) and Chandler (13). It's so nice. We can relax and I am having time for things I have been wanting to do. I have been reading some General Conference talks in the mornings before the kids get up and it is nice. I am realizing that I need that more in my life. It is so easy with the stress of school to get unfocused but I am so grateful for apostles and prophets that the Lord has called to teach us. I have felt such an amazing spirit as I read the talks. I am hoping that next week and can finish my quilt top and the back so that I can try to go see Bonnie's mother-in-law to have it quilted for me soon. Most of all I am just enjoying time to be and time to remember who I am and ponder the Lord's plan for me and my family.
4 comments:
It is hard when we want our lives to take a certain path and want certain things to happen at certain points, but they don't always happen when we planned. I don't know what it's like to have trouble conceiving, so I can't relate to you or help you feel better. I assume it would be very frustrating and disheartening. I do know what it's like to want certain things in life that seem to come easier to other's, so I hope that you can eventually obtain the things in life you want.
Wow thanks for that post! I needed that today. It is nice to be able to share our struggles with others. It kinda helps lift some of the burden. I hope all goes well with you and Dave. I know that you guys will be blessed because you sound like your heart is in the right place.
I'm glad you're keeping busy with watching kids, and I'm glad you're focusing on your spiritual growth during this trial. We've started playing frisbee again on Tuesday nights at Westfield HS if you and Dave ever want to play. There's a lot of old-timers there, so we don't really feel stupid being married and playing with a bunch of singles. If you guys came, it would be twice the fun and I would feel even less awkward!! Yeah! It would be good to see you guys again.
It is so hard and frustrating when you want something so badly, something that is a worthy want. I am with you sister and I love you dearly. If you ever need to chat, I am here. I know I'm bad at returning phone calls, but don't give up on me. My schedule is absolutely crazy! I love you dearly. Keep the faith my friend!
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