I have realized something recently. I have a big lack of faith in much of my life. I have a really hard time not being in control. I was talking to my sister-in-law the other day about having a hard time feeling the way I feel about the whole TTC thing. She reminded me that sometimes you have to remember the impressions the Lord gives you and focus on those because he gives them to us to comfort us. I know I will have kids when the time is right. Not for me but for the Lord. I know it will happen and that is enough. I am still concerned about getting my body on track to get there but I know that I will have kids. Maybe it will be good for us not to right away. We can get a house next summer when Dave knows where he'll be the next fall. If we both work then we will have money and can be generous, pay off our little bit of debt, and maybe travel a little. Some days I feel my faith growing and I am seeing the options in life that are there that will make me happy even if we don't have kids right away. Every so often I am still concerned and sad but I am not at all the basketcase I was 2 months ago. Thank you Heavenly Father for helping me grow and thank you Kelsey for being an answer to an unuttered prayer.
Dave and I are getting a little extra money this summer watching the kids of some friends of ours. We're watching Sasha (7) and Chandler (13). It's so nice. We can relax and I am having time for things I have been wanting to do. I have been reading some General Conference talks in the mornings before the kids get up and it is nice. I am realizing that I need that more in my life. It is so easy with the stress of school to get unfocused but I am so grateful for apostles and prophets that the Lord has called to teach us. I have felt such an amazing spirit as I read the talks. I am hoping that next week and can finish my quilt top and the back so that I can try to go see Bonnie's mother-in-law to have it quilted for me soon. Most of all I am just enjoying time to be and time to remember who I am and ponder the Lord's plan for me and my family.
